Saturday, February 5, 2011

Bible Life Q and A - I am divorced and I want to remarry. Can my husband and I enjoy all the privilages afforded a first time marriage?

Yes.  God hates divorce, but God loves you and your new husband.  Let's say your first husband divorced you because you were unfaithful and you want to remarry. 

First of all all things need to be reconciled to God.  You can't just hide behind your new found love.  You need to reconcile your sin with God.  That requires that you go to God and express your understanding that you have sinned against God and man and ask forgiveness.  "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us."  1 John 1:8-10

Second, you really need to say something to your ex spouse about the situation to try to bring closure to the events leading up to your divorce.  You face him and tell him you were wrong, graciously accept the criticism and move on.  You hve done all you can do.  All of us have made decisions that hurt others and you do not need to carry this baggage into a new relationship.

Third, you need to forgive yourself for being so foolish and living in indiscretion.  As Jesse Duplantis says, "admit it, quit it and forget it."  Learn from your mistakes, but don't carry them on your shoulders for extended periods of time.  They will crush you.  Also living in the past gives satan a greater access to your life, becaue he is the accuser of the brethren and he will use every opportunity to hurt you and others even more.

Let's say you divorced your husband and you had no good reason other than you don't love him anymore.  Maybe you divorced a good man and maybe you divorced a creep.  Either way, without grounds, you are a little light on the blame him side of things.  Let it go.  You are not perfect.  You made a choice that you will have to live with, good or bad.  God hates divorce, but God loves you.  If you are thinking that you just can't be reconciled to God under these circumstances, you have believed a lie of religion.  You can be reconciled to God.  "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."  Romans 5:8

Divorce is a terrible thing, sometimes traumatic and sometimes pathetic.  But God is in the business of reconciling sinners and saints to His will.  Of course if you do not try to live under the auspices of God's will you will not receive the blessings in your new marriage anymore than in the last marriage.  God's blessings are proportionate to how much of your self, time, energy and in this case your new relationship you give to God.  If you give it all to God, you will receive all the blessings available for you from God.  If you try to do it on your own again, you will probably find yourself in the same situation again.

The bottom line is, God wants you and your new spouse to live a pure and holy life/lifestyle and it will require a good deal of time with God and a true committment on your part to bring this to pass.  But if this man is worth marrying, he is worht it for you to commit yourself wholly to God to assure your success.

Learn to forgive yourself and to love yourself.   It has been engineered into your soul that when you are forgiven by God for a sin or sins, you are free from them, clean as the driven snow.  Your previous sins are behind you and yes you can live a life blessed by God as if you were married for the first time. 

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